Guest Post from Michael: Being Asexual

Do you know what sexual attraction is? I had a really hard time figuring that out, but I think I finally know. I think it's getting some kind of sexual desire from looking at someone who's very attractive. I don't experience that. I think many people of many genders are very beautiful. I am physically attracted to people. But the feelings I get from seeing a beautiful person are quite similar to the feelings I get from seeing an amazing nature picture or beautiful artwork. They're feelings of admiration but not sexuality.

An asexual person (ace for short) is a person who does not experience sexual attraction. Some asexuals still have sex, some don't. Some experience other types of attraction such as romantic, aesthetic, sensual, physical, etc. and some don't.

 

[Visual image: a symbolic heart in the colors of the Asexual Pride Flag. Black stripe on top, then grey, then white, then magenta.]

I haven't always appeared to be asexual. In high school, I acted very sexual, but that was for other reasons. And eventually that changed. However, I still kept trying to be sexual to a certain extent because I thought something was wrong with me since I just wasn't feeling sexual desire. When I realized I wasn't straight, I thought maybe I was gay. And I still do identify as bi, gay, or queer in addition to asexual. But eventually I realized I really didn't feel sexual attraction towards people of any gender.

How can this work in a relationship? Of course it depends on the people involved. What works for one person won't work for everyone. I am very grateful to have an absolutely amazing husband who has been very accepting and supportive. I met him before realizing I was asexual. It was love at third time talking (or something like that)! We got married and are very happy together. He is not asexual and I am. But he has been my biggest supporter and encouraged me to be open about it (if I wanted to be) because he thinks it's great to raise awareness about asexuality. And when I was so upset over my asexuality, he was the one who encouraged me to accept myself. So it worked out perfectly! We just work it out together just like any other difference between partners in a committed relationship.
It took quite a while for me to be fine with my asexuality, but at some point, something inside shifted, and now I am super happy about it. I've learned that there's a bunch of other people like me. I've also been noticing a lot of benefits to being asexual. And now I really think it's an awesome way to be!

Michael