Tuesday, August 12, 2014

We Have To Talk About It, by Nathan Paul Young Gale


We have to talk about it. I've had the same thought going round and round in my head since the early hours of this morning. We have to talk about it. We have to talk about the fact that this world is absurd. We have to admit that we don't know how we came to be or what the point of it all is, that there is no point. We have to stop pretending that we can comfort ourselves with our routines and the things that don't matter but that we attach so much importance to, because we can't, and they stop us accessing the things that really make life worth living. I sobbed last night when I read that Robin Williams had killed himself. Another incredible, creative, talented person who lived with their mind and heart open, we have lost this year, because they couldn't do it anymore. Today the internet is full of people telling us to ask for help, but it's so difficult when most of the messages we get on a daily basis suggest to us the opposite. We're supposed to think positive, be grateful for we have got, keep our chins up, get out of bed everyday, make something of ourselves, work hard. I do all those things, and I'm still depressed. People tell me that I come across as so happy, and confident and full of life, and maybe I am. But I'm still depressed. Often times, as is the case at the moment, deciding to carry on is a daily struggle, that I think a great deal about. I'm not even sure I can really say why, but everything just feels so difficult. I feel like the only way I can live is if suicide is on the table. But I don't want to kill myself. And the things that keep me here aren't working hard, or thinking positive or keeping my bloody chin up, they are human connections, they are loving so deeply, and caring so intensely. And I can only do that, if we can talk about it. That's all. Just talk about it.
 
[Image: Nathan Paul Young Gale, a young white brown haired Scot, stands smiling before a red door in a purple t-shirt reading "equal recognition, trans and intersex rights, scottishtrans.org." Their crutch cuff and labret piercing are also visible in the pic.]

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for writing this, especially the following 2 sentences which resonate with me:
    "I feel like the only way I can live is if suicide is on the table. But I don't want to kill myself."

    You are right. We need to talk about this. People with depression need to tell others what it's like. You are so courageous for coming out in this way. I've been thinking about doing it for years. Maybe I will post on this blog too. If I'm up to it.

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    Replies
    1. I hope you do, S. Your being here is already such a beautiful thing <3 Love, Ib

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