I've shut the door. I find myself running, running running.
into the forest, yeah, I don't exactly know where I am going
but some of the things said to me are rattling along in my skull
I sit, on a rock.
I am surrounded by trees.
I stare down into icy water.
This is one of a handful of times when I've left the warmth of my
family's house or the house of my friends because something got to me,
one of a handful of times where I deliberately chose to feel and
experience the cold winter air because I refused to allow myself to be
coerced into a false sense of warmth.
I will say controversially that a defining aspect of neuroqueerness is
escapism. My reasons for believing this come from two places: both
people on the autism spectrum and people who are queer are known to
One should be reminded that the Neuro- modifier in neuroqueer is not
meant strictly to refer to autistic people, but autistic people as well
as other developmentally, learning, psychiatrically and mentally
disabled people do fit under the broader theme of neuroqueer and the
concept of neuroqueerness has been an addition mainly formed as a
collaboration between autistic queer and mad queer scholars and
Before other voices step in and tell me that wandering is often not a
choice made by either group, but is a reaction to inhospitable
environments, I will say that the experiences of madness and alternative sexuality force a questioning of normative structures of community and kinship.
Part of said questioning is implicit to the way that many individuals of
alternative sexualities and neurologies are present in such forms of
community and kinship. The social rituals of small talk, for instance,
are inacessible to those whose bodies and minds thrive on excitements
derived from super-concentration. Indeed, the normal back and forth of
short comments prevents socialization about depths and details of
certain phenomenon and experiences. Similarly, references to family
which are typically the ways in which an individual introduces
themselves and presents their connection to broader social groups are
incredibly off-putting to individuals of alternative sexualities whose
alternative desires create shattered pasts and alien futures.
series of disambiguities follow us. They follow us from one interaction
to another. They follow us to dinner, to the classroom, to social
events and to job interviews.
When we are not running,
our flesh wavers,
We lilt to
we glance and side-line,
and run and wander
and even when we are here
a part of us
II. Routes of Escape
I mage away
with sacred texts
of oft-forgotten sage(s)
turn, turn, turn
away from the main-hall
away from the bar-brawl
away from the pain of the bricks
I would like to find some neuroqueer agency in the definitional confusion associated with the word ESCAPE.
The word escape is bipolar. It is a term located between the
socio-linguistic frequencies of affirmative liberation and negative
failure of boundaries.
A neuroqueer notion of escapism or
nomadism embraces this unsureness, because it describes the multiplicity
of meanings contained within our flight.
I would like to once more clarify that escape is not to be taken
literally as simply running, bur that one also has
We escape the cruelties of a concrete world when we dwell in
philosophical and theoretical realms. Art is an escape. Poetry is an
Many of us also find negative holes in the world, lines of flight that eat us alive, that devour our skin.
Some of these holes can be addictions, harmful relationships, exploitative employment situations.
In response to critics that might note that such forms of flight and
escape are not unique to the neuroqueer consituency, I will offer the
yet-unproved thesis that forced and unforced escape largely defines
neurodivergent and queer radical movements and that such alienations and
the directions that they send our bodies in are a core aspect of such
concepts of politics.
This blog post is elegaic because it is enframed by frustration:
frustration with the loudness, the overwhelmingness of main,
neuronormative events. Frustration with parts of identities left unsaid.
With fear of out-presence that persists even to this day for many
people with alternative sexualities.
This is a sad story, but is a story of movement. Though it is sad, its conclusion is not-known.
As this post ends, the neuroqueer runs out of the room.
dreams of fleshes forbidden
dreams of space
on the edge
where bleeding shall happen
where drenching in the sacrilege of the underground
upside-down wine glasses
where I'd dine tired and hap-hap-happily-hap-
where I'd leak
from the outer-edges of fleshly creep
where the wrapping
peel and shriek
[image of original artwork in bold blacklines on parchment-color paper, suggestive of a fragmented face who might be shouting out, teeth bared]